Friday, April 26, 2013

Girl Next Door- Part 1

You know what’s interesting. Cloud shapes. Cloud shapes and water puddles.
I think someone put redbull in my coffee this morning. That’s how I ended up at the wretched bar. Geez. Everything happens for a reason though, doesn’t it.
Voyeurs do that sometimes. They have a keen undertaking into a world they don’t really want. It outs them, puts them on the precipice of discovery but never really being enough to push them over that edge.
I like my coffee black, 2 sugars, no milk. I’m a purist.
Being on the outside does give me one thing.
It gives me a story to tell.
“You’re ridiculously late today”
“Come on, you can’t be that mad”

James smiled. Every time he looked at Michael, he was reminded of a younger version of himself. No lines, trendy hair cut. Now his face was lined with the memories of yesteryear. He felt old.

“How’s the prep for school coming along?”
“You know me, I pack one suitcase I’m done. Apparently though mom thinks I need a lot more. I caught her sneaking bleach laced laundry tablets. How the hell am I supposed to know how to use bleach laced laundry tablets?”
“Don’t put them with your coloured clothes?”

James laughed. He remembered the day he first went off to college. Michael was only ten, all he knew was big brother was off somewhere. Some big new special place that he needed a whole car packed with things for.

"Don't phone mum when you need the cash for new clothes."
"Funny. What's cracking my big brother?"
"Nothing, I figured I'd try to catch you before you become a big college man."
"Can't believe I made it man! You reckon college can survive me?"
"Might have to widen some of those doors to let that big head of yours enter."
"Very funny."

Michael signalled the bartender. 

“I’ve been thinking of going back to grad school.”
“Again?? Don’t you have like a hundred masters by now?”
“How’d you get into college again? Your maths estimation is horrible!”
“I think it was purely on my good looks, you know the drill.”
“College admission officers must be blind then.”

Micheal scowled. He remembered wanting to go to college ever since he saw James wore his first college sweatshirt. He was so excited when he got his college admissions letter.

“What are you looking forward to the most?”
“You want the college admissions answer or the actual one?”
“I want the “brother” answer.”

Micheal thought for a moment. He twirled his glass, especially the last ice pieves. He loved those bits.

“I guess it’s just the people. The ones that come from all over, the crazy ones, the misfits. I’m excited to meet the world, as cheesy as it sounds.”
“And the girls?”
“That goes without saying. I mean come on, college girls. That has GOT to be a step up.”
“What about Amanda?”

That made Micheal pause. He hadn’t told James yet.

“We broke up.”
“ What happened?”
“School happened.”

Truth was Micheal was really hurt. She felt like the right one. The one that fit him like a glove. But the both decided that maintaining a relationship was going to be hard since they were on opposite ends of the coast. So they broke up.

“That doesn’t even begin to describe it.”
“So, what KIND of girl do you want?”
“If I say big boobs and cute ass does that get me a beating?”
“It gets you a stern stare.”

Micheal and James looked around the room. Down to the left of a bar there were a bunch of girls, definitely pre- drinking for a night out.  Short skirts, fun tops, loads of glitter everyewhere. They were loud and they were proud.
Near the door there were a bunch of kids playing pool. On one table, there were 3 girls, 2 guys. Definitely more then a regular pool lesson going on there.
On the other table there was another girl with a few guys. She was bespectacled, wearing jeans and a sweater. Practical in the weather. Talking about the game on television pushing and shoving like she was one of the guys.
James noticed the one with the glasses. Michael on the other hand was glued to the other girls, the ones down the bar.

“Probably those girls over there. They don’t want much, just a good night out. I can’t handle anything more serious then that.”
“What about her?” James pointed at the girl in the glasses.
“Oh yeah. She’s kinda cute.”
“Not the kind you’d go for?”
“No I’m not saying that, I’m just saying she’s kinda cute.”
“What are you really thinking?”

Michael stopped for a second, he actually wasn’t sure. Truth be told she was really pretty but you wouldn’t notice at first. She had a friendly smile, she had gorgeous hair that was all messed up. She had an easy time making the people around her feel at ease yet not one of them seemed genuinely interested in her. He guessed that there must be something wrong with her or something.

“I don’t know man. She seems nice enough but I’d rather just find someone to have a good time with.”
“You mean like college air heads over there?”

James looked at his glass, deep in thought. Michael watched his big brother, feeling a little uncomfortable. He knew they could talk about anything but in all honesty, he was feeling a little guilty for not picking girl in glasses first. It’s not that he didn’t mean too. It’s just that she wasn’t his first choice right now.
James took a deep breathe.

 “Take that girl. No just one minute look at her. She's the nice one, the girl next door. She's there ready to offer a smile, a kind word and hugs. Her hugs could probably cure cancer. Doesn't hurt that she's gorgeous to.
Let me tell you, she's miserable.
I've seen her kind before, the kind that acknowledge they aren't perfect. The saddest thing is that when she does, people find those cracks to. I'm betting you anything she's been shot down more then once because she wanted something and the reason she can't get it is her own fault. Girls like that don't last very long. They are the people that fade into the background because when they put themselves out there, when they acknowledge their imperfect, people cannot take her in anyway seriously any more. There's only so much the human tolerance allows you. And that's why she's miserable.
She'll smile anyway, because at the end of the day, we can't be anybody else but ourselves can we."

Micheal finished his drink, unsure what to say. James looked at him, smiling.
“Come on, lets see if you can get one of the airheads to give you her number.”

Girl next door huh? I think I see a future in that somehow.
Fyi, Bar’s have horrible coffee. But they have beautiful stories, if you’re willing to look.
Someday, I will look through it again, but right now, I need to stop seeing sounds.
It’s creeping me out.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

The Violence of the Human Spirit

I am angry.
I am angry that a human would do this.
I am angry that you will harm another, that the race I belong to, the human race, is capable of such monstrosity.
I am angry that my fellow brothers and sisters are victims of violence.
I am angry because my fellow human beings decided today I will blast, I will harm, I will maime, I will Kill. 
Today, I am angry at the stupidity of mankind. 
Today, I am angry at the spirit of man, the mean, ugly spirit of mankind.
I am angry that a person’s conscience fails them.
Today, I am angry at myself.
I am angry at feeling helpless.
I am angry at watching the world be torn apart.
I am angry at feeling unable to believe in human kind.
But that would mean you would have won.
That would mean that you have succeeded in creating fear in me. 
I won’t let you. 
You WILL NOT cause me fear. 
You WILL NOT cause me injustice.
You WILL NOT cause me to lose hope.
I will not let you win.
I will not let you make me feel afraid anymore. I will not let you make me feel angry anymore.
Each day I will do my part. 
I will be as human as I possibly can be. 
I will remember my responsibilities to my fellow man.
But I will not let you make me afraid. I will not let you. 
I will not let you make me forget how much responsibility I have to the people around me.
To the world I belong in. 
To my human race.
You have tried time and time again. You have tested the limits of man. You have broadened the ugliness of man.
But I will not let you win. I will not let this unnamed bastard win. 
Today, I mourn for humanity. 
I mourn for the victims of violence.
But I will rejoice in knowing you have not brought us down. You have failed today. 
I see man, I SEE your ugliness. 
But I see those fighting against it. 
I see the kindness that comes from an unnamed woman giving a child a hug.
From the people that have decided to help each other.
From a global unity of thoughts that go AGAINST what you did.
From the simplicity that people point at your actions and are conscious that what you did is wrong.
I see kindness in the people that have decided to help each other.
In the messages that pour from all over the world for the well being of another.
I choose to believe in the good. 
And those taking action.
And that gives me hope. 
Don’t get me wrong, I am still angry.
But I will be even more angry with myself if I let you win.
And I cannot let that happen, no matter how much you try I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.
I will keep believing in the good of humanity. I will keep believing in the good of the human spirit.
Because if I do not, I have lost and you have won.
And I will not let that happen. 

*In memory of the victims of violence that have occured all over the world today.
And an 8 year boy who died watching his father cross the finish line.*